Moving forward, not moving on.

So the week I move has finally arrived. My gosh. I cannot tell you how difficult it has been. The day I found out the completion date I cried all day long. I was a wreck, the limbo I have faced is nearly over, the relief of that was massive but then came the sadness of leaving our martial home. I went to work in a state. A manager worked with me for the last hour of my shift as I was in such a bad way. Yesterday I faced my nemesis… John’s wardrobes. I cried so much at one point I actually thought I was going to pass out. I called a good friend and they came round and sat downstairs while I continued going through the wardrobes. I have to remember that I am not leaving John behind but it is so hard to know that, as it feels like I’m erasing every part of him 😭. Today our dining table was taken away, that was the heart of our home and I was so sad to see it leave, I very nearly had a panic attack but managed to swerve it somehow. It’s all so surreal if I’m honest. It’s bittersweet. I am desperate to get out the house and not have the weight of it on me and to move forward with my life, but I’m so sad that John is not here and we are not packing up together and moving on to the next stage of our life together.  I’ll write more soon, I can’t process much more at the moment, still a lot of packing to do.

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Faith, grief, Humility, Life, loss, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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