Hard weekend, but overall good weekend. Lots of time to think and cry and walk and talk. Attended the service they put on here. Still couldn’t sing. Was annoyed with myself, as yesterday I got a good chance to drill down into Faith questions and how people have continued in their faith and how they have shaped their theology in light of what has gone on, and how they found their theology didn’t match their experience of God and what you do with all that. So last night I felt quite positive. Today in the service John’s favourite scripture was used and it threw me and knackered me up completely. I have experienced God here, not in voice from heaven or a feeling but He has shown me that He knows me. The night before I came I’d googled something, can’t remember what started it off, but you know when one thing leads onto something else and you end up somewhere totally different to where you started out well this was one of this times and I ended up reading about sea mines. And I remember closing the webpage and thinking “That was random” as I had spent about 20 minutes reading all about them. So I arrive at the retreat and go for walk. And what is there by the bench, a statue of a disarmed sea mine. And today in the service I was thinking about it and it reminded me of Nathanael in the Bible in John 1. Nathanael knew that the Lord had seen him. So I guess in a way I can relate to that, but I’m not sure how it helps me or what to do with it, because the service was so difficult and when John’s favourite scriptures where read it brought so much pain, and then Cornerstone was sang with the line ‘Through every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.” And I thought to myself – Hmmm…. Will my anchor hold within the veil?