I’m feeling the need to blog, however I am very tired, partly because I stayed up till 4:30am watching the America Election results and partly because of every other part of life since 2017…. so what comes out next might be interesting, might be total drivel….
Manchester hasn’t really been out of lockdown since March, unlike other parts of the country. This for me personally has been really difficult. I have had 3 hugs since 23rd March and I am THE hugger. Living alone and working from home at the minute means spending so much time alone that I sometimes feel I’m going slightly stir crazy at times. The lack of physical touch for someone who is tactile is excruciating. I often wonder what effect it is having upon me. Don’t get me wrong I am incredibly blessed to have my Yorkshire terriers and I know my mental health would be much poorer without them. But it is not human touch. It is not the tiny miniscule interactions with human beings. What I would give to hold someone’s hand. Just the thought has reduced me to tears. I also think this is having an effect on my focus, I thought it might be just that there’s loads going on in the world and living through a pandemic and my Dad being so poorly, but I’m more and more convinced lack of human touch is affecting my focus as well subconsciously. I have had to fast forward or turn the channel on TV when I see people hugging or kissing, cause I can’t cope seeing it but not experiencing it for such a long time. One of the books I pre-ordered back in the summer arrived and even though it is essentially a murder mystery it has been described as ‘ravishment vs restraint’ and honestly, most disappointingly, I cannot bring myself to read it…
Twitter, I love Twitter, honestly to me it’s brilliant. It keeps me occupied and interested in a whole range of topics. Granted like any social media platform it can be a horrible nightmare but I seem to have set it up well so I mostly miss a lot of the nonsense. Anglican Twitter..erm…moving on swiftly….
The latest essay I wrote even though it was sooo hard to write with everything going on and a lack of focus (I’m dreading writing one in lockdown 2.0) I actually enjoyed what it forced me to think about. It made me think through how women have been and are treated in different arenas in life. I got to read some good books and I also got to think about women oppressing other women. That is something I have never thought about before. Essays like this are difficult cause the answers are sooo big and things need to change so badly that little me writing an essay from her flat in Reddish seem of very little consequence. I am grateful for my theology degree though, its a source of inspiration and an anchor in choppy waters, and my college is beyond wonderful.
Last night as mentioned I stayed up to watch the US election results. Not a lot happened and even though I write this 12+ hours later no winner is declared and may not be for days and possibly weeks. Via the wonders of technology I got to “spend the night” with someone else as we watched the results from our own homes, and they were able to talk and explain everything to me. I really enjoyed it.
This week very unexpectedly someone new has jumped into my life. And really I shouldn’t be writing this, but also I feel it’s important to document it somehow…. though why I can’t just write it in a notebook on my desk I don’t know…. especially as my blogs not a secret… and they could read this….anyway, enough. I know if they do read this they will say this is a wrong reading of them but I don’t care, cause actually I think its the real reading of them. I think it would be fair to say there are not many people like them. They have thought a lot of things through. They help a ton of people. They are intelligent and funny. They are respectful and kind. I know life has hurt them a lot, but yet they remain open to people. They are a big deal in their area and rightly so. I have known about them for a while but actually knowing them in person for the last week I have learnt loads. I have been able to be completely myself with them even though we are relative strangers. They have confirmed things about me I have spent a long time wondering about. And considering there’s a pandemic on and we can’t meet for coffee and all the normal things you would when you were meeting someone new, it’s been good.
Grateful to be re-appointed as deputy church warden at my beautiful church but seeing as I haven’t been going for a myriad of reasons to do with covid and rules and the like, and now its shut for 4 weeks plus, it feels weird. I am missing church. I am a little worried about me spiritually because I am so alone, but on the other hand the Lord is all I have, He’s the constant one. I talk to Him from my waking minute to my going to sleep so… Granted a lot of my prayer life is currently manifesting through 90’s songs but my spirit is just connecting with certain lyrics so…
I was gonna have a rant about loads of things but honestly I don’t have the energy. All I’ll say is…no can’t even do it…too tired…. just be kind… thats all I’ve got.
So Wednesday 4th November 2020 eve of English Lockdown 2.0 what will the next 4 weeks hold? I can honestly say I have no idea whatsoever.