Category Archives: Uncategorized

Can’t even articulate it 

So gloomy and upset today and this evening. Just feel paralysed with grief at the moment. The pain of missing John is unbareable. It’s too much and I need the Lord to intervene, cause I can’t take it. It’s too … Continue reading

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You can’t imagine

Went to Bible college last night. First time back, video conferencing was good but made me cry, as they talked about grief and how important it is that you keep showing up at church and spiritual things and keep going … Continue reading

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Fed up. 

Can’t seem to finish anything. Couldn’t face church today. Feel very guilty but also justified as first service would have been to intense and second service too many people. Started watching things can’t finish them, started listening to a lecture, … Continue reading

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A strange daze

Not had the best day today, woke up feeling very bad. Meant to go out to lunch with someone but couldn’t face it. Stayed in and watched a ridiculous amount of Lewis on Netflix, quite scary really. Had some friends … Continue reading

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Knife, heart, repeat.

Strange day today really… had to cancel John’s car insurance and by the end of the phone call I could hardly talk. Then later on again about car insurance but this time mine they asked me for my relationship status … Continue reading

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Difficult

Went to prayer tonight. The only word I have for it is difficult. There such a range of thoughts and emotions going on inside me about all kinds of things not just about John and everything that comes with that. … Continue reading

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Finding our way..

Messaged someone yesterday who lost their husband a few years ago but who is in ministry still, and whose ministry is extraordinary, and even though they had been married A LOT longer and they knew his death was coming, I … Continue reading

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Indecisive, Apathetic and Alone.

I was indecisive before John past away but now its getting ridiculous. I can’t seem to make the slightest decision. And also I don’t want to. Lay in bed till 9:45 when thankfully one of my friends text me and … Continue reading

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How?

Changed round the bedroom as planned. Feel ok about it. Didn’t really touch much of John’s stuff, just put it all in the wardrobe for another day. Went out and brought bed linen and new curtains, its looks alright but … Continue reading

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Hardest

Sundays are so hard… John loved Sundays and loved church. And I need to go to church but going out the house makes it worse as the realisation hits you, time and time again, I think that’s why I was … Continue reading

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