Category Archives: Uncategorized

Obliteration

Trying to write my next essay but it is seeming very difficult to keep my focus. I just find myself not know what I am doing every 8 minutes. Frustrating. Counselling last night was difficult and wondering if I might … Continue reading

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Pain

My mum passed away 11 years ago today. The grief of losing John has overshadowed it by miles. The one thing they had in common that breaks me into pieces is, the unconditional love they had for me. No matter … Continue reading

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In and out 

Enjoying being in Germany. My friends here are so lovely. Very grateful for them. The Pastor’s wife of the church here is an amazing lady. Had a good deep honest talk with her today. Was like taking a plaster off … Continue reading

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Feelings

At the airport waiting to board a flight to see some good friends in Frankfurt. A wise lady once told me “Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are” which is good cause I’m feeling awful right now. I can … Continue reading

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Don’t forget

Wednesday today, means prayer at church tonight. I know I should go but I have such a hard time when I am there really considering how not to go, and yet at the same time I want to be in … Continue reading

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Going Out

Went out to church this evening. I always forget how hard it is when I go out, especially when I go to church. Don’t get me wrong I want to go church and I absolutely love seeing my Christian family … Continue reading

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The silence

Awake since 3am woke up tummy was hurting me, no idea why, still hasn’t settled now, but that’s not why I can’t sleep. Keep trying to not think about certain things, keep asking God why, and what am I gonna … Continue reading

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Upset

Trying to fight the feeling of being upset as it’s a horrible on the edge and on the brink of tears the whole time, and when I let them go the pain is too much I have to suck it … Continue reading

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The shadow

Went first service today, cried all the way there and through about 85% of it. Thought I was going to burst with the pain at the start. Came home, watched some tv, fell asleep, woke up and feel so tired. … Continue reading

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Can’t even articulate it 

So gloomy and upset today and this evening. Just feel paralysed with grief at the moment. The pain of missing John is unbareable. It’s too much and I need the Lord to intervene, cause I can’t take it. It’s too … Continue reading

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