First post of 2021 and an non event that feels like an event…

I know I haven’t written anything this year but thats because my Dad died at the end of January and the build up was intense and then afterwards I have been focussing on trying to function and catch up with the lost work and college from January and February. Bless my Dad he really was one of a kind. Miss him terribly, so many people loved him. Some reflections on losing Dad: I didn’t realise how losing one parent would impact on my grief of losing my Mum in 2006 but when you have lost both parents it it is another ball game entirely. Mother’s day this year was one of the worst for me!. Obviously I have thought about John a fair bit too which leads me onto something else…

A while ago in one of my blogs I talked about how I had been looking down at my wedding ring and feeling increasingly frustrated as I no longer knew what it meant. I commented on the time how at one point it was the closet thing I had to John, but actually it no longer stood for being married to him in a present sense as ’till death do us part’ and all that. I am in a widowed young support group on Facebook and the topic of wedding rings regularly comes up and like most things it is up to the individual whether they take it off, when they take if off etc. I had assumed that just like my Gran who lost her husband young I would never take it off, especially since I enjoy wearing rings too, so would naturally just wear it regardless. I remember in the early days of losing John watching an episode of Lewis who had been widowed and someone asked him about whether he should take of his ring and he said ‘That one stays.’ However, today feels like the day where I will take it off. This feels like a huge event and a non event all rolled into one. Questions that abound to me straight off the bat is: What are you saying by removing it? Are you forgetting John by taking it off? Will you feel guilty by removing it. That one can be answered fairly easily as if what I’m saying by removing it is I am no longer married (which duh!) BUT I’m open to something or someone else happening then John would want me to take the ring off as he always said if anything were to happen to him he wanted me to find someone else. He would even try and make me promise but I could never even contemplate that at the time. I could move it to the other hand but it would need adjusting as its shaped to fit my engagement ring and I already where my mum and grans wedding rings on my other hand. I’m aware I might take it off for a bit then put it back on or off for a few months and then put it back on again and I know none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things. But do ever wonder if part of you is further on that you are and the rest of you needs to catch up. Hmmm… something to ponder about anyway.

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
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1 Response to First post of 2021 and an non event that feels like an event…

  1. greysuga says:

    It’s a hard one but it can never be anyone else’s decision. Be encouraged young lady ❤

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