This and that.

Haven’t written for a while. Life’s been trickling on steadily. Settling into the flat ok, Alfie and Eric my Yorkies are happy. It’s a difficult week this week, it should have been Mum’s Birthday a few days ago and it should be Paula my sisters birthday on Sunday… these few days I have missed John so much, yesterday I pined for him so much I thought I was going to end up in heap sobbing unable to move but it never actually materialised. Days like that are difficult cause it appears random and yet my Therapist tells me all grief is related to each other so I guess it’s not surprising given all the grief birthdays stir up. Something that has taken me by surprise is my enthusiastic engagement with Christmas this year. Since John died I have absolutely avoided all things Christmas completely. This year I have kind of just gone with the flow. I think it helps that I am not surrounded by a house that I know John would have wanted to be decorated to the hilt the moment December hit, and me not being to able to face the enormity of him not being there. Also, something that has really helped was I have been put on the serving rota for Midnight Mass and I absolutely cannot wait for that, I love Midnight Mass and so being able to serve at that is awesome. Another thing that is helping me not dread this time of year so much is I have moved my New Year to be in line with the Liturgical New Year which begins on December 1st. Although December 1st should be Paula’s Birthday and so will be a hard day, by celebrating new year on that day it takes the anxiety and emotion right out of Dec 31st and January 1st, which is a huge weight lifted as I simply couldn’t bear thinking of going into another new year without John and Paula at the traditional times with all countdowns and events. This is a much gentler way to transition. One thing I did want to mention is how much I love being a Deputy Church Warden. I find it an incredible privilege, to see the full breadth of the life of a church with all the ins and outs, people, groups, services, baptisms, funerals, events, conversations, friendships and squabbles(!), joys and sorrows. My church in one way is just a normal Anglican church if there is such a thing, but on the other had it holds a wonderful sense of God’s presence and beautiful theology. It does do liturgy incredibly well too, I am extremely grateful that God led me to find it. So let me wish you a Happy New Year as I begin mine in the next few days 🙂

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Faith, grief, Life, loss, Theology, Uncategorized, Widow and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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