Stealing a moment for reflection

This is genuinely the first moment I have had to reflect and write in the last week (When I haven’t been too tired). What a week. It’s felt like a whole year has past by. Packing up the house required much more emotionally from me than I could ever articulate. It actually was a huge thing to do and I definitely haven’t processed any of that yet. I have stumbled my way through it but thank God I did it, and it all went through and I am in my new flat that I have waited and prayed for, for such a long time. On the moving day John’s mum and sister were the last people in the house and they left and went ahead to the new place so that I could have a moment in it by myself. I howled the place down in heart wrenching grief. Ironically I was the first person in the house when John and I first brought it when there was no furniture, and there I was, the last person in the house again with no furniture. I prayed and thanked God for his goodness to me (and John) and for giving us a wonderful home and blessing us while we were there, and for the many people who lived with us throughout the years. It’s such a surreal experience. My new place is lovely and I genuinely love it, but letting go of my house with John was difficult. I know I am not letting John go, I know I am not leaving him there but my heart is still breaking for me even having to go through this. Now I sit in the car park of the University of Wolverhampton campus in Telford snatching a few minutes to try and give my brain some space to be able take in all that I will learn this week on my Theology Degree Residential. I’m so grateful for this course. I’m so grateful that I have carried on doing it despite everything. I’m grateful for the staff and faculty, and for the institution itself. I maybe emotionally and physically exhausted but I wouldn’t miss this for the world. (Plus it’s a welcome distraction from Br*xit and all the nonsense happening in the country at the moment!)

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Faith, grief, Life, loss, Theology and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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