A couple or a few blog posts ago I mention how I feared that I hadn’t properly grieved my sister’s death. Turns out I was right. Today I got a text saying her cat isn’t well and only has a few days left to live. I am absolutely broken, distraught, mashed up. Totally wiped me out. I know this level of emotion it’s not about a cat. But the thought of him going to be with his mummy (My Sister) is like someone knifing me repeatedly in my guts. Why does he get to see her before me? How can it be that she’s not here? I’m pretty certain that when the time comes for Alfie and/or Eric (My Yorkshire terriers) I will be the same in regards to John. My hearts desire is to see John or Paula that’s all I want and I’m so envious that max the cat will soon be reunited with her and I have to wait it out here. Unfair is an understatement. And yet at the same time I’m please for the cat, I’m happy for Paula that she will have her Max back on her lap. (Please don’t engage in a theological argument about pets in heaven at this point and just indulge me, thanks!) I’m pleased that soon max won’t be in any pain as he’s been ill for a good few years but has limped on, and actually was so helpful when Paula did pass as he was like a connection to her and now we are losing him as well feels we are losing another connection to my sister. I know that is not true but that’s how it feels. I’m meant to be writing my essay which is due in on Monday after an extension and I have no idea how I meant to do that now…. I just want to go back to bed, I’m exhausted. It’s 10:46 am. Grief is such a tsunami at times it destroys all in its path. Problem is I don’t have the time for it right now. I have to get on, I have to get this essay in or else my degree is in jeopardy, and that makes me more sad. Vicious cycle. I currently have estate agents, surveyors, and solicitors chasing me and I can’t deal with any of it. Somebody make the madness stop please. Please. Lord have mercy, cause if You don’t no one else is gonna.
-
Archives
- March 2022
- February 2022
- September 2021
- July 2021
- June 2021
- April 2021
- December 2020
- November 2020
- October 2020
- September 2020
- August 2020
- July 2020
- June 2020
- May 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- January 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- October 2019
- September 2019
- August 2019
- July 2019
- June 2019
- May 2019
- April 2019
- March 2019
- February 2019
- January 2019
- December 2018
- November 2018
- October 2018
- September 2018
- August 2018
- June 2018
- May 2018
- April 2018
- March 2018
- February 2018
- January 2018
- December 2017
- November 2017
- October 2017
- September 2017
- August 2017
- July 2017
- June 2017
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- February 2017
-
Meta