Hoping.

Nearly wrote the title of this post as hopping, those of you who know the footprints poem joke about hopping will appreciate the irony. I don’t want to put the horse before the cart, but maybe, slightly, almost-ish, I might be starting to like my life again. Big development I know. A number of things have prompted this, and I’m also aware that there is still so much going on. Today has been such a mixture of emotions. Went to view a property and thought that it would be perfect for me, but don’t want to get my hopes up as haven’t sold my house so… but then I met one of my new friends from church and had a really good time, and I went out the other week with one of my friends from work. I feel like life is picking up a little, but I am also not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination. Best case scenario (Please God, let this be prophetic!…) I sell my house for a good price, buy the property I have seen this morning, go on a holiday once settled in, then come back ready to engage fully with life again, start looking for a new different job and crack on with my degree.  Life rarely goes the way we want it to but I’m hoping for a short time even at least it will do. Once I’m in my new property and settled crap can begin again but I’m in desperate need of something going my way at the minute, and new friends are definitely helping me at the moment. I truly didn’t realise how just how heartbreaking selling the house would be, I knew it would be hard but not quite this hard. I cried when someone put in an offer even though it was too low, and then I cried after seeing and loving the property I saw this morning. I think its why I’m so worn out at the minute. Grateful to be going and seeing an old friend tonight, and I’m hoping it will be uplifting. Part of me is desperate for the limbo I have been in since John passed away to be over, and I think that’s why I am so emotional, emotional that its finally might be coming to an end but emotional in a way that I am moving forward (not on, I could never move on from John). I have to trust God with all of this once again, cause the potential that everything could just to fall to the ground and I’m left without anything is the same real and visceral threat since the moment John passed away. Must go and get ready for this evening.

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Faith, grief, Life, loss, Perseverance, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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