Yesterday was a day for reminiscing, I went back to the Cathedral I used to work in, and then I went to see my first Vicar and his wife who I adore and It was so good to catch up with them and talk about the years where I was in his congregation and I felt so loved when I left their house it was beautiful. I miss them a lot. Then Keeley and I went out with Dad and we had a toast with him to Paula’s as today should have been Paula’s birthday. Such a hard day. Yesterday I stayed at Keeley’s and then we drove down to Cambridge this morning to be with my nephews and her husband. We went for something to eat together and then we let off a balloon and threw some purple glittery flowers in the canal. Then we left and I dropped Keeley back home then I started the 2 and half hour drive back to Manchester when boom, a 2 hour tidal wave of crippling grief enveloped me. Thank God for cruise control, as that’s what got me home. There is so much going on in my life and things rumbling on (that I can’t go into on this blog), and work, and Christmas and still grieving for John and now grieving for my beloved sister Paula that the pressure is at possibly the maximum that I can handle. The grief was terrifying and lonely, and at times I couldn’t breathe (I knew if I pulled over I may not get home tonight). It took me 35 mins after I’d pulled up at home to gather the strength to walk in the house as my legs were like jelly and I feel like I might have pulled some muscles in my tummy from crying so hard. However…. since I came in I have been showered with constant cuddles and kisses from my Yorkies Alfie and Eric, who have helped cut into the awful gloom and dread I was feeling. I am now absolutely exhausted and feel a little nauseated. Praying I sleep.