Decisions, decisions… (or the importance of theology for me)

Since John passed away I haven’t really made many decisions. Partly this is a conscious decision (hmmm?) because my mind has been everywhere and I don’t want to make a rash or wrong decision. One decision I made fairly soon, in fact a matter of hours after John died, was that I would still carry on with my theology degree. This has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made…ever. To be honest studying theology has kept me in the game so to speak. Even though there have been times where theologically my mind has been so trashed due to the events that have happened in my life, somehow by studying theology I have managed to stay grounded and found strength to carry on. One major factor in this is the institute I study with. It is interdenominational, charismatic which means I get a breadth of teaching and also Word AND Spirit, not divorced from each other. While it is an academic setting, it is also a setting where the gifts of the Spirit are displayed and enabled. This for me is the linchpin of it all. I can learn in an academic setting and there is more than enough room for the Spirit of God to work. I cannot express how much I have needed that since John passed away and now my sister. The times of worship and prayer in the morning and evening before every day are opportunities to let God do his work in all that I have been learning and highlight things in me that He wants to. Yes there have been times when I have totally freaked out about what I believe and what I think about God but it has always been reconciled one way or another. Right now I am having a melt down that I maybe a raging Liberal but I know it will all work out over the next few lecturers, days and weeks as God shows me more of himself and more of who I am in Him. I really don’t have any of the answers I thought I did when I started 3 years ago and have even less answers now and it’s actually a really freeing thing. I don’t know many things and what I don’t know doesn’t bother me as much now, as I’m confident God will teach me what I need for what He has for me. I honestly love Westminster Theological Centre and am so grateful for it being in my life. God had used it in such immense ways especially since John died. The staff and teaching faculty have been amazing and I have seen God’s care and concern shown through them. I know I have another 3 years left but I never want it to end.

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Bible, Deconstruction, Faith, grief, Humility, Life, loss, Theology and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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