Reading through yesterday’s post there are two sentences that stand out to me. First, “This loneliness is a deeper level of haunting.” That sentence completely nails it. That’s exactly how it is. The second is my finishing line: “These are the cards that have been dealt to me and I do not want to play.” Strikingly accurate. This sums up the whole of yesterday’s blog and how I am generally feeling. Later on yesterday a good friend whose known me for possibly all of my life, messaged me and said “God has you Vick.” And those words were like balm to my wounded and frightened soul. Because that is the truth that I had let get lost in the mess of everything. I one hundred percent feel (despite everything) like God has me. I can’t explain it but that’s the underlining feeling. So with those words echoing in my head and heart I went and finished off reading a book by Greg Boyd on imaginative prayer and then drifted in and out of a mixture of sleep and imaginative prayer for the rest of the night. It wasn’t exciting imaginative prayer. Jesus never appeared. I never heard God speak. I borrowed someone’s ‘meeting place of the heart’ that I had read a description of in another book that I’ve strangely not been able to stop thinking about since I read it. And Gods presence was there but no manifestation of Jesus, and I am ok waiting in that place till He appears or speaks or whatever really. Feel a lot calmer today but still ridiculously tired. Have got up, got dressed, walked the dogs and just finished breakfast, however it feels like that is all I shall manage today. It’s 8:38am and I feel like I’ve done all I possibly can. What a horrible feeling. God has me though, so whether I do anything else today or not, He has me. And at the moment that is all I truly need.