Do not write off having counselling as a ‘weak act’ or ‘how is talking going to help!’ it is one of the hardest but MOST beneficial things I have ever done. And really if I’m honest even though I’ve been going since July last year… we ain’t really started… 35 years of stuff takes a while to untangle… yes I’m there because of bereavement but bereavement throws your WHOLE life into the air, and things you thought weren’t issues suddenly become issues, and things that were issues suddenly aren’t. It’s hard to explain. I started going cause I knew I had no mechanisms for coping with the enormity of John’s passing away, what it’s shown me is there’s a little more to it than me just getting mechanisms to cope…. I have to do things differently now, I have to deal with things differently now, I have to answer questions that I’ve shoved away, I have to reflect on things that I haven’t wanted to. I am amazed at how God has used it, in ways I haven’t even been able to see at times and I still can’t fully articulate. I’m not looking forward to Tuesday when I have my next session… cause I can feel something coming up and it’s gonna take every single ounce of strength and determination within me to not push it down or skirt round it like I have for so many years…