My t shirt is wet with the tears it has collected. It’s Saturday night. I can’t stand Saturday nights now, they are like glaring reminders of John’s absence. I loved Saturday nights with John, and he loved them too with me, it was always cosy chill out time when we got the rare opportunity when we were alone, or not preparing for an event at church. Now they are so boring and empty, the contrast is too stark for me to handle. Hate it. The grief I feel is so raw. I seriously hate John not being here, it is wrecking me.