Haven’t written for a little bit. Have had posts in my mind, but out thought them, if you know what I mean. The anniversary was strange, the days leading up to it were very dark, the day itself I was kept occupied by my sister, but broke when we lit a candle for John in Westminster Cathedral. Now I’m on the other side of the anniversary I am still thinking about this time last year, and how I was and it is really a blur. Hate seeing the valentines stuff in the shops, it stings this year as last year I was still in shock. I really have no idea what to do with myself again. A year is a boundary marker of time and normally it can catapult people into different things but for me when it comes to grief I still feel very much that I to keep the status quo for a while longer. Had a really bad asthma attack last night, on the verge of ringing an ambulance but it calmed down just in the nick of time. Feel truly awful today, like I’ve been in a fight. If I’m honest I should really go and get checked over, however, there are 2 problems- first I couldn’t stand walking into the hospital, that would knacker me right up, and secondly, I don’t feel the cold would be good for me to be out in. So going to try and weather it in the house for today and hope and pray for the best.