On the way back to see my Dad for his birthday and see some other family, old friends and pick up my sister for Christmas. Had been looking forward to it, until last night when all of a sudden I realised I am going without John, I know that sounds crazy, as duh obviously, and it’s not like I haven’t been back before, I have a couple of times but this time feels very different, there’s a number for things at play, firstly shock has really worn off now. I look back now and can see definitely the first time I came back I was still in shock, second time less so but managed to wade my way through it. This time not at all. I used to go see my dad with John and he used to love Kenilworth and seeing all my friends. And I used to love catching up with people, now what have I got to tell people? When they ask what have you been doing, what do I say? When they ask what am I going to be doing what do I say? I feel like I have nothing to show 😭. I have stopped at the services, it’s take me about an hour and half, and for the solid hour and half I’ve been driving I’ve been sobbing my heart out. I’m exhausted and I have the whole day ahead of me yet. It’s only 8am 😔. Part of me honestly feels like I can’t do this. I hate doing stuff without John, it’s so rubbish. People are looking at me as I’m crying into my coffee and my phone…. need to buy some tissues for the rest of the journey I guess. I really need the Lord’s strength so this is not a complete train wreck of a visit.