The grief at the moment is crushing. I’m trying to do stuff and get on and it just keeps knocking me down. It’s the unbearable, breath taking away kind. Trying to sort out John’s business even the first few bits has wiped me out. I don’t know what it is about doing official stuff but it’s like the grief heaps upon me gigantically. On the way home from the bank I almost had to pull over as I was crying that much I could hardly see the road. It’s 10:35am now and I feel like I’ve been in a fight with a heavyweight boxer. Definitely the morning is a write off, hard not to write the rest of the day off, but I’m trying not to. Banging headache, horrible heartache. Think I might be dehydrated too. Water, tea and some crap tv in order. Dogs have just smothered me with kisses and cuddles, which lifts the gloom for a moment or two. Grateful for them.