- Haven’t written for a week. With jet lag and my 2 essays it’s been a funny old time. Coming home was nice to see the dogs and be on familiar ground, but there have been times when the feeling of the house being empty and quiet has been overwhelming. It’s so hard to accept that John has gone. It’s like it’s too big for my mind to process it. Keep thinking about the day he died too, it’s like it’s haunting me, I’ll be fine and then it will just pop into my head and emotional and mentally trip me up. I just try and push it out as soon as I find myself thinking about it. Had to go court this week too, to swear an oath to start probate as John didn’t have a will. That wasn’t particularly pleasant but the build up definitely worse than the actually appointment, it was over in 2 mins. They made it sound like it was going to be awful but it was ok. Looking for a job, to help things tick over as America was ridiculously expensive. Trying to get to sleep but feel so lonely without John, even though the dogs are snuggled up with me and Maria’s next door, none of it take away the fact that John is not here. I’m seriously beginning to think I miss him more everyday. I can understand why people have mental health and health issues when they lose loved ones, cause it’s so overwhelming I think I’m gonna loose my mind at times, or my heart is just going to burst. Real deep anguish, pain and grief is a horrible experience. Praying I get my last essay done tomorrow, then I will have finished the year. I guess that is currently the only good thing that will have happened this year…
-
Archives
- April 2021
- December 2020
- November 2020
- October 2020
- September 2020
- August 2020
- July 2020
- June 2020
- May 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- January 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- October 2019
- September 2019
- August 2019
- July 2019
- June 2019
- May 2019
- April 2019
- March 2019
- February 2019
- January 2019
- December 2018
- November 2018
- October 2018
- September 2018
- August 2018
- June 2018
- May 2018
- April 2018
- March 2018
- February 2018
- January 2018
- December 2017
- November 2017
- October 2017
- September 2017
- August 2017
- July 2017
- June 2017
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- February 2017
-
Meta