On the plane on the way home. Can’t wait to see my little doggies. Gonna snuggle up to them so tight when I get home. Looking forward to a good cup of tea too. I have had an amazing time even if some of it has been incredibly hard and very difficult to push my feelings aside, which to be honest is not wisdom anyway as it will all come out in the wash. 
And I’ve had a realisation on the plane after listening to 90’s music and remembering when I was younger and growing up… I’m actually scared of myself… I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s true. John made me such a better person. And I’m scared I’m just going to revert to the person I was before I met him, and I really didn’t like that person. Somebody said something to me today that nailed everything on the head, they said “I bet you feel like

You’ve been robbed.” And that’s exactly it. Not only have been robbed of my beautiful, gorgeous husband, my whole life is

Knackered up. Don’t know what to do without John seriously. He always used to say I couldn’t cope when I wasn’t with him. It’s true. I really don’t think I can. Just the thought of John not being home when I get there is vile. How can it be so? I hate it. Got 2 essays to do in a week and half too. Praying I have the mental compacity to do it. Back on English soil in a few hours and it feels like the fight that I’ve had a break from will be more fierce than ever…

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
This entry was posted in Bereavement, Faith, grief, loss and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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