I felt strange that conference had ended. Kind of got used to it. Went for breakfast with friends and met my Pastors there which was good, checked out of hotel and into where I’m staying till tomorrow and then went out shopping for a few bits, sat with feet in the pool and had a slight and chatted with people, also good. Now people I’m staying with are asleep and what’s strange about grief is that it’s patient. It will wait for you. It will be there when you have time to think and feel.  It will invade you even when you don’t want it to. No matter how hard you fight it when it’s all quiet it will overtake you. The pain and hurt will come full force sure enough. Even though I’ve had a good week and an amazing experience being here, it doesn’t remove the pain, the grief, the yearning for John. I miss him so much I could burst and all my insides spill out. And it’s slightly harder when you are away from home. Want to cuddle my doggies, and can’t. Trying to focus on the morning. But can only really focus hour by hour at time like this. Don’t want my eyes to be puffy for church in the morning so have to find a way to stop crying but feel like I may not stop for ages. Desperately need sleep too. Hoping the night goes quickly and it’s morning soon.