Got admin to do with John’s business today, not looking forward to that… feeling very wobbly. Also off to California for 2 weeks with church tomorrow. Absolutely freaking out. Not sure I can do it. It feels so hard which is weird cause Ive been Ireland and Germany and Northern Ireland. Spoke at length with my bereavement counsellor about it yesterday and felt a bit better, but this morning my insides are going crazy. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be this anxious, I want to be ok. And I can’t seem to stop it. Grief is such a vile thing, so unpredictable and at times uncontrollable. Really not sure I can even do it. I really have to go now to as won’t be one time for the accountants and not even dressed… trying my hardest to get it together and its not working….. hoping this passes and I have a manageable day as I have loads to do in preparation for tomorrow.