Horrible week. Cried a lot. The realisation of it all is knackering me now. Don’t have energy for anything. Spent a lot of time on the sofa watching tv. Friend came over this morning and cooked me brunch which was lovely. Good job or else I’m not sure what I would have done today. Wrote my essay yesterday, can’t get all the words I need for the word count but I really don’t know what else I can say on it. It’s due in soon, so I might try again. Have been in bed for an hour and a half. Sleeping and crying and then sleeping again. Dogs are with me. Pain unbareable. Counselling tonight, then off on a young widowers retreat run by Care For The Family in Northern Ireland. Bit anxious about it. Trying not to think about it too much. Trying not to think about anything too much really.