Today is so hard. I feel truly awful. Went to Aldi shopping and nearly legged it, heard someone shuffling behind me and reminded me of John’s little shuffle he had. Missing him is overwhelming today. Don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Dreamt about him too, and I actually felt normal, then I woke up with a jump as a realised it was a dream. Im not sure I can take all of this, I’m really not.