Wow. So bored and alone. Life without John is sooo dull. How on earth, yes on earth, am I supposed to pick up the pieces of my life that are in smithereens? How will I ever believe God for anything again? I was believing Him for John’s every moment, and our future and our retirement plans. John and I made a pact that we would only call each other “Dear” when we reached our 70’s. This is just the worst thing ever ever ever. Go forward they say, how the hell am I supposed to do that? Go forward to what? I have nothing to do without John, he was my plan. There was no other option. And there still isn’t. How can there be? “God has things He wants you to do” Well God can do one, cause I don’t want to do anything without John. God gives and God takes away, well that’s crap cause why would He do that? Can’t believe how sad and fed up I am. All I want is John. I’m hurt and angry so stay away.
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A Little Bit of Life 
Dear Vick,
I have just finished reading everything you wrote since John’s death, from Feb 13 up to here. I feel your pain and your distress. I like the way you think. You seem very logical to me. You are using the brain that your Creator gave you, and you are asking very good questions. I truly admire that.
Indeed, how are you supposed to pick up the pieces of your life that are in smithereens? How the hell are you supposed to go forward now? What is God’s plan? What is his will? Does He even have one? Why won’t He tell you? Why would God give and then take away? Why would He do that? How can you trust Him now? Who is this God anyway?
Excellent questions. You are seeking the truth and this is the right thing to do, because I think only the Truth can liberate you.