Just finished my essay that’s due in tomorrow. Was such a struggle. I’m just glad I got through it and have something to hand in to be fair. And now the sun is shining and the house is desperately quiet and lonely. How can it be that John is not here? It’s my birthday tomorrow. Dreading it. I know John would have made such a fuss of me, and I don’t want else anyone to but him. I hate this so much. When I was in Germany I was introduced to a song called Hard Love. And that’s exactly what it’s like to love the Lord. It’s a hard love cause it asks you to love him above anyone else and anything that may happen. And sometimes that is the hardest thing in the world to do ever. When the rubber hits the road can you still love him with all your mind, heart and soul. I’m not sure I can, but then I’m also not sure I have any other option….