Can’t run away

There’s no way around this grief, as I think I said in a previous post, it’s like it waits for me. Had nightmares and night terrors last night, eventually woke up and cried my eyes out, not with grief so much as just the horribleness and the fright the dreams and terrors gave me. So today I feel exhausted. Church and exhaustion mean emotions are harder to control. Absolutely balled my eyes out in worship today, almost uncontrollably. Glad my sister was next to me as managed to scrape it all back together. Some people were concerned to see me like that, which maybe an issue as that is tip of the iceberg. That was me doing my best to hold it all in. And yes I am scared of what people would think if I let it all out, cause it would be such a huge amount of emotion, I don’t even let it out when I’m alone as I’m scared of the amount of it. But I’m also aware that there is no way round it and it has to come out at some point and I REALLY do not want it to turn into something else. Not sure what to do though. Just want my husband. That is all. How can I accept this? How? 

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
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