It is so hard to concede that the world is moving on without John, when all I want to do is apply the brakes and scream “wait” It hurts so bad so I try not to think about it too much. But how long can you ignore reality for?

Had my first counselling session the other day. First ones just setting the scene for the counsellor really, we’ll see what happens next week. Feels like the right thing to do though, and she reassured me about some of the things in relationship with God that are happening, have happened to other people, it was hard to tell an actually person who wasn’t a blog and it made me cry my eyes out 😔

My issue at the minute is all my thoughts end up on John, no matter where I start them, they all come back to him. All my dreams last night ended up with John too, really feel like I can’t handle the pain of missing him, it’s too much. Just want to see him and smell him and hold him more than anything ever.