My mum passed away 11 years ago today. The grief of losing John has overshadowed it by miles. The one thing they had in common that breaks me into pieces is, the unconditional love they had for me. No matter what, they would have been there for me and loved me. The pain of losing John is unbelievable. It’s is an all consuming, enveloping, tidal wave of anguish. Start counselling on Tuesday, trying my hardest not to pin all my hopes that it will lessen things and help me, but I just want to feel a little bit. of relief from the grief but then the only way that could happen is if John was back. I’m so broken and lost without him, I don’t even want to do anything else every again. I’m trying my hardest to hold on but it’s getting harder and harder not easier and I can feel my grip starting to weaken day by day. I can’t keep it up, I just can’t. It is too much.