One of my little dogs got me out of bed this morning by nuzzling under my arm repeatedly otherwise I don’t think I’d have moved all day. He then proceeded to whinge until I took him and his brother out to the park. Tried not to cry in the park, gave the dogs a good walk then marched home. Had breakfast and did a shopping list. Tried not to cry. Then played a computer game for 5 hours! Just wanted time to tick away. Come to a conclusion that I need a routine. I just feel like if I have a routine I’m somehow letting go of John. I know that sounds crazy, but hey, crazy is all I know right now. But I realise if I don’t have a routine I’m just going to slide away into oblivion and won’t honour John or the Lord, just can’t face anything though. So fed up and frustrated and tired. Grief is so horrible. Loss is truly awful and loneliness is dreadful.