Seem to be in deep thought mode, tinkering on the edge of something… not sure what. Feel like I need to get someone whose lost a spouse and is a Christian to read this blog so they can speak some truth into me. Because this is where I articulate honestly what’s happening inside. 

Can feel the Lord wooing me. At least I feel something about/ from Him I guess. Not sure I’m ready for all that though. Still have huge questions that shall probably remain unanswered for the rest of my life… yet I realise the Lord is all I truly have… 

Basically I feel like what I’m doing and how I’m responding and feeling is just not good enough. I’ve been a Christian for 21 years in June, 21 years and now I find myself stumbling over basic elements of faith, I mean what on earth is all that about? Driving me more crazy than I already feel. 

Going now as totally hacked off with myself.