Monthly Archives: April 2017

Can’t run away

There’s no way around this grief, as I think I said in a previous post, it’s like it waits for me. Had nightmares and night terrors last night, eventually woke up and cried my eyes out, not with grief so … Continue reading

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All roads lead to John

It is so hard to concede that the world is moving on without John, when all I want to do is apply the brakes and scream “wait” It hurts so bad so I try not to think about it too … Continue reading

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Pain

My mum passed away 11 years ago today. The grief of losing John has overshadowed it by miles. The one thing they had in common that breaks me into pieces is, the unconditional love they had for me. No matter … Continue reading

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Flawed.

Sat in Manchester Cathedral, ‘having it out’ with God. Asking Him how and why. Told Him how disappointed I am that He never answered my prayers for John to recover when they were trying to resuscitate him, and asking how … Continue reading

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Conclusion

One of my little dogs got me out of bed this morning by nuzzling under my arm repeatedly otherwise I don’t think I’d have moved all day. He then proceeded to whinge until I took him and his brother out … Continue reading

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Rubbish

Such a boring day today. Did nothing, actually nothing. Cried loads of times. Glad when some people came round, but then slumped back into boring gloominess. Realised I have to attack the day before it attacks me. Just dread everyday … Continue reading

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1 forward 7 back

Home now. Church had first Bbq without John. Couldn’t face it. Missing him so much. Just want the impossible – him back. I feel like I take one step forward and then 7 steps back. The pain comes back with … Continue reading

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In and out 

Enjoying being in Germany. My friends here are so lovely. Very grateful for them. The Pastor’s wife of the church here is an amazing lady. Had a good deep honest talk with her today. Was like taking a plaster off … Continue reading

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Feelings

At the airport waiting to board a flight to see some good friends in Frankfurt. A wise lady once told me “Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are” which is good cause I’m feeling awful right now. I can … Continue reading

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Hmmm…

Seem to be in deep thought mode, tinkering on the edge of something… not sure what. Feel like I need to get someone whose lost a spouse and is a Christian to read this blog so they can speak some … Continue reading

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