Changed round the bedroom as planned. Feel ok about it. Didn’t really touch much of John’s stuff, just put it all in the wardrobe for another day. Went out and brought bed linen and new curtains, its looks alright but on the way home from the shop (Yes I drove… thats another story…) a song came on the Christian radio station by Travis Green and the lyrics are ‘All things are working for my good, cause He’s intentional’ and I lost the plot completely. I’m ashamed to say that anger and grief poured out of me so much I nearly crashed the car. How can God be working this for my good? How? Just how? Being with John was good, that was the best part of my life, I loved him so much and I absolutely loved being married to him. We had a good marriage and a good life and we worked as a good team. All good. We knew what our roles were for the Kingdom and they were good. All good. And now I have to believe that everything is working for my good, when so much of my good has been taken away???? How am I meant to do that??? Trust in the Lord is the pat answer that awaits me, well guess what I was trusting in the Lord, trusting Him for John and I’s future. John was going to be a Pastor and I could feeling him rising to the challenge of that, and I was preparing myself to be the support he needed me to be. I was trusting God that I would be everything that John needed in me. Now what? I have to redirect my trust? How does that even work?  How? I do not want to be angry with God as I don’t like it and its not in my nature to hold anger, but whats being asked of me feels too much…

About vickmcq

A person trying to remember to blog!
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