Attempting to go church today. Can’t decide whether it’s the right thing to do or not, but at least if I try I’ll know. I just really hope everyone realises that I am different now… I am not the same and never will be… I can’t be harmed as I’m harmed beyond anything anyone could ever do… and no I don’t care about superficial stuff anymore… my life is smashed into a million pieces and I don’t particularly want to put it back together at the moment either… I have no desires to do anything, eat anything, go anywhere or even know what I want. I am broken and feel like I am beyond repair. I hope they know… but they won’t do, only someone who has lost their spouse will understand this…